


The Girl in the Dirty Shirt

by katy15307



Series: Be Here Now 1997 [6]
Category: Oasis (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8276735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katy15307/pseuds/katy15307
Summary: I wrote the first half back in April when I was was deep in that negative frame of mind, then I didn't know what to do with it when that'd changed, I think I wanted her to have a happy ending, see the light or whatever and things get better but I don't believe things work out and get better, especially not cos someone comes along and says so. All I remember is it was really important to me that he wasn't a specific Oasis member (although I saw them as Liam or Guigsy most) could be Tony for all I cared and she wasn't a specific person with a specific problem, could be anyone.This one's my favourite off the ablum.





	

She sits and stares straight ahead, she always does. Same bench, same position, every single day. Bet she doesn't even know what she's staring at, it just doesn't matter cos she's broken. She has to be, don't she? She sits there day in, day out in the same old shirt; she had an unzipped coat over it today. Headphones covering her ears, blocking out the world. Hardly ever thinks to move, to eat or sleep or live, all there is, is the next breath and that's not a choice.

Every time I saw her there I wondered why? She was young, like twenty or something, she couldn't have experienced that much pain already, surely not. I wasn't nosy and I wasn't going to ask but still I always took interest. She didn't look like it was drugs I've seen people spaced out on heroin, eyes rolled back and all that or high on other stuff but that's not it with her. Never even seen her with any booze, not that I've been watching, fuckin' stalking her.

I sat next to her on the bench, fuck knows how she sits here all the time, the bench was cold and hard, the air had an icy chill to it. She didn't seem to notice me at all so I spoke.

"Hey." I didn't know her name or I would've said it.

That got me nowhere so I repeated myself with a less gentle tone.

Still no response so I tried to see what she was staring at, I knew she wasn't actually staring at anything but still I had a look. We were in a park there wasn't really much more than trees, grass and a housing estate in the distance, nothing interesting, no wonder she always looked so dead in the eyes.

I wasn't around here much anymore. Manchester was the place I grew up but I moved on in spectacular fashion. This place was home though, always. Being back, it gave me a sense of warmth, belonging that I never felt the first time around. It was so peaceful, no one mithering you so I walked it around here a lot when I had the time.

"Hey." I repeated louder. "Are you alright?"

Still nothing. I should get pissed off cos she's ignoring me but she's not, not really, she's just in her own bubble. It was like she was sat up in a coma but with her eyes wide open, I only knew she was breathing cos you could see it in the air. I couldn't decide whether to walk, leave her to it or to tap her shoulder, force her to take notice.

Before I knew it, consciously decided, I felt my hand make contact with her coat, lightly patting her upper arm. "Hello."

She blinked, more than the involuntary type, that was her biggest response so far. I was getting somewhere; progress is progress and all that.

I tapped a bit harder thinking she'd look at me or snap out of whatever she was in. "Bit cold out here."

She pulled her hood down, took off her headphones, placing them on her lap and turned her head just enough to look at me. "Yeah."

"Why you sat out here then?" Shit, I didn't mean to start asking, it wasn't my business, I just meant to check if she was alright.

"It's good to feel something." she said with a monotonous voice, she certainly didn't sound like anything was good.

"Are you not freezing your balls off?" I asked, obviously she didn't literally have balls but I did and it was genuinely that cold. "I am."

"No, you get used to it."

"What's your name?"

She shrugged pretty lethargically; it was too much movement for her. "Doesn't matter."

It did matter, if anything mattered about a person it was their name but I wasn't going to make her argue her case. "Alright. What's over there?" I pointed in the direction she always stared in.

She looked; she'd seen that view more than anyone who's ever been to Manchester, if anyone should know it's her. She took her time before she lazily noted "Few trees, a load of houses."

"Any of it mean anything to you?" I raised my eyebrows but she was still staring forward so she didn't see.

I'd accidentally turned this into a therapy session neither of us wanted with that question.

"I'm not homeless." she answered defensively.

"Not what I said." I pointed out, wondering why she'd snapped like that.

"You were thinking it, I must have nowhere else to go. Why else would I sit here?"

I knew I wasn't going to get the truth out of her, I didn't stand a chance of getting inside her mind just as she couldn't know mine but I wasn't giving up on her.

"You can read my mind, can you?"

"No."

I couldn't work out why I was so fascinated by her, she was just a sad, lonely girl, sat on a park bench. She could be anyone. I wished I could make her better, take all the dark clouds away from her soul.

"I never thought you were homeless, honest."

"Alright." She didn't care what I thought of her.

"Why don't ya go home then?" I asked. "You're gonna get hypothermia or summat out here."

I'm not kidding, it was that cold that you'd get ill being out in it for long.

"So?"

"You'll be put in hospital."

"What d'you care what happens to me?" she asked with agitation. "Haven't you got anything better to do than bother me?"

"You're worth bothering."

"No, I'm not!"

"Y'are."

"Why? Y'don't even know me."

"Why d'you need a reason?"

"Cos."

"You're worth summat, y'just are. Y'should be happy, smiling, fuckin' dancin'. You've just gotta fuckin'... snap outta it."

"Well, I'm not so I'm not gonna waste any more of your precious time."

"What can I say to make you believe?"

"Nothing, I don't wanna believe you, I don't wanna be fixed, I wanna be left alone."

"But y'could have it all."

"Don't want nothin'."

"What about your hopes and dreams?"

"Shattered, got none and got no one. Got what I deserve." she answered bluntly.

"Then come dancing with me and I'll show you exactly what she's worth to me." I didn't mean dancing literally, I didn't know what I meant, I just wanted to change things, make things better for her.

"I'm fine. I don't need you trying to interfere in my life."

"Y'dont look fine, y'look..."

"Piss off and leave me alone, it's too late." She grabbed her headphones and placed them firmly over her ears, pulling her hood over her head. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and hurried away.

I came back the next day, knowing full well that she didn't want to talk anymore. She wasn't there. I sat expecting her to show, scanning the horizon for a glimpse of the girl. It was even fucking colder, maybe she'd took my advice and stayed home. It didn't feel like that though, there was a sickening feeling in my stomach that I'd made everything worse, that I should've left things well alone.

I thought about everything she could've meant by "it's too late", I'd never know, I never saw her after that day, not even for a moment, passing in the street. The girl in the dirty shirt, she was just gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the first half back in April when I was was deep in that negative frame of mind, then I didn't know what to do with it when that'd changed, I think I wanted her to have a happy ending, see the light or whatever and things get better but I don't believe things work out and get better, especially not cos someone comes along and says so. All I remember is it was really important to me that he wasn't a specific Oasis member (although I saw them as Liam or Guigsy most) could be Tony for all I cared and she wasn't a specific person with a specific problem, could be anyone.  
> This one's my favourite off the ablum.


End file.
